Someone shit on the floor
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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