i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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