Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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