This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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