was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My ass is underappreciated
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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