i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
