U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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