There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
