I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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