Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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