why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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