she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
