Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
