I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
