i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
