Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
