Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
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WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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