i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
