u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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