I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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