Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Houston, we have a blender
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
