The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
