when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
