My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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