This girl is more easily done than said...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
