why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
