Quick, to the slutcave!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
