I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
