Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
