i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
