Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
