it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize