i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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