Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
