OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
