I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
