I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
