You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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