glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
