a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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