We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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