I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
