shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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