Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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