I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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