They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
