You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
