I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
