dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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