I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
