She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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