So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
