I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm like, not good at living.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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