But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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