I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
