when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
