I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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