Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
