remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
