I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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