I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize