there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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