8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this boner is exhausting
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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