I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
