Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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