I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
