dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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