i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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