That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dear god my vagina.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
