True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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