This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
