Got a toothbrush?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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